colonel sanders

A native son of Kentucky, Colonel Sanders was born Jesus Harland Sanders in 1834. His parents were poor marijuana farmers in an area so remote that not a single person other than him and his parents knew that there was marijuana growing there and they never made one cent out of it. Despite having crippling poverty, he had a normal childhood, and did not gain recognition until the outbreak of the Civil War.

Sanders lived in Russia for several years during the 10's and 20's under the alias Leon Trotsky. He tried to teach that he, being God, should be the Communist leader.
Enlisting as a private in the Confederate army, Sanders was first stationed outside Richmond, VA. However, after the Union's advance past North Carolina, Confederate leader General Tso, great-great-great grandfather of actress Margaret Tso, saw the need for immediate action. He promoted Pvt. Sanders to the rank of colonel and sent him on a campaign in the north. Most notable of Col. Sander's accomplishments was his brave leadership of the Confederate forces at the Battle of Ticonderoga, where unfortunately, he lost his one and only testicle. Due to this horrible combat wound, he was ordered to develop a biological weapon to be used on the Union army. Hence, he developed his Original Recipe, which consisted of undercooked poultry, bovine colostrum, and dead Confederate soldiers. After consumption, the Union troops became violently ill, thusly allowing the Confederate army to be victorious in the battle.

Sanders leading his religion, preaching that white meat is better than dark meat
December 2005 saw the rise of the Fast Food Wars. This ferocious series of events were between the KFC ( Kentucky Fried Combatants), led by the colonel, and the McDonald MacKiddies, led by none other than Ronald McDonald. After many street battles across the USA, Colonel Sanders finally defeated Ronald McDonald in a one-on-one death match, in February 2006.